How Pastoring Almost Killed My Joy

by Certified Church Consultant, Dr. David W. Smith

My first senior pastorate wasn’t something I’d recommend for anyone stepping into ministry leadership. The church was dying—not metaphorically, but spiritually and relationally. While many individuals were genuinely sweet, as a group they were toxic. Moral failure, infighting, distrust, apathy—the works. My predecessor had left under heavy clouds, and the void he left behind was filled by power struggles. Some stakeholders simply couldn’t get along—unless it was to unite against their new pastor. The church’s finances were threadbare, community reputation was bleak, and joy was absent from worship. Gospel outreach? Not a chance.

Honestly, I still ask God why He moved my family 2,000 miles into that storm. If any of this sounds familiar, you might be walking through a season like mine. Or maybe you’ve been studying the apostle Paul’s leadership journey. He wrestled with similar tensions: questioning of his apostleship, a fractured church, financial hardship, health issues, sin within the body of Christ—and the crushing daily burden of leadership (2 Cor. 11:28).

That church nearly broke me. I felt my patience shrinking, my smiles fading, and my stress rising. I was losing my joy. But in that dry and painful season, the Lord used Paul’s letter to the Philippians to reframe my leadership. It gave me hope again and reminded me where joy truly comes from. Four lessons stood out:

1️⃣ Joy is found when we live on mission

Paul begins his letter with joy—not because things were easy, but because the Philippians shared in gospel partnership (Phil. 1:4–6). He cast a vision larger than any individual, and the church stepped into it. That partnership assured Paul that what God began, He would complete.

Church leaders, joy is reignited when we lift our eyes—and our people’s eyes—to mission. When we model gospel passion and invite people to own it for themselves, unity emerges. Disputes shrink. Preferences fade. Whether people “like” us becomes secondary to whether Christ is glorified (Phil. 1:12–18). Mission brings joy because it shifts focus from personality to purpose.

2️⃣ Joy is found through unity with co-laborers

Paul rejoiced not in ease, but in unity: the Philippians shared his heart (Phil. 2:1–2). But that unity didn’t just happen. It came through humility—valuing others above self (Phil. 2:3–11). That’s the calling for anyone entrusted with leadership in the local church.

Joy is possible in fractured environments, but it must be cultivated. Leaders set the tone. When we adopt Christ’s humility and serve intentionally, it builds trust. We earn the credibility to say, “Imitate me as I imitate Christ” (1 Cor. 11:1). And as unity replaces toxicity, the church can finally breathe and begin to love the lost better than it used to love its own agendas.

3️⃣ Joy is found when we lead from the right perspective

I arrived with three degrees, nearly a decade of pastoral experience, and was a doctoral candidate. I assumed those credentials mattered. But wounded sheep don’t care how good your theology papers were. They care whether you know how to shepherd.

Paul had to learn that too (Phil. 3:1–11). Credentials mean little if we lose sight of Christ. True leadership joy comes when we stop depending on our résumé and start pointing people to the grace and glory of Jesus. It’s freeing, isn’t it? The pressure lifts. It’s no longer about how much we know or how gifted we are. It’s about how well people see Christ through us.

4️⃣ Joy is found when we cultivate gratitude

Paul thanked God for the Philippians—and even for the difficult Corinthians (1 Cor. 1:4–9). Gratitude wasn’t reserved for easy churches. It was practiced in every season.

That’s the challenge and opportunity for us: to be thankful not because leadership is painless, but because gratitude reframes pain. It reminds us that we’re people with struggles who are shepherding people with struggles. It draws our heart back to grace and helps us see people—not as problems, but as partners. Grateful leaders become gracious leaders. And in that environment, joy begins to seep back in.

Closing thoughts

I look back on that first pastorate with both grief and gratitude. I learned lessons you can’t get from a textbook. I feared burnout. I nearly lost my joy. But God was faithful. He reminded me, again and again, that joy isn’t found in people or circumstances. It’s found in living on mission, walking in unity, releasing control, and practicing gratitude.

Pastor, if your leadership feels heavy and your joy is dim—go back to Philippians. Ask Christ to restore your heart. Joy is possible, right now, in your present circumstance.